i feel that my life is dangling on some sort of balance beam. i could walk all the way to the end but also fall off any min. now. my life is kinda screwed.

like i feel i cant balance school work, dance and like friends. like if my school work is okay, i just have to screw it up in HF. and my friends, well maybe i'm being oversensitive but... wtv. and theres this one friend. R________.i love her i really do (AS A FRIEND). but like i dunno, she seems to have it all.studies, dance. gosh hahah I HATE HERlol

anyways, there was ACES day yesterday. and it was screwed up funny. hahahah gale did wrong then everyone copied her! lol nvm gale, I STILL LOVE YA! then after school, we had HF. he changed serenade AGAIN. hahahha and i think i must not have been concentrating yesterday cuz he kinda scolded me. then thing is, i'm still not quite sure what i did wrong. damn it, my life actually revolves around dance? i had NO IDEA.

gosh theres so much stuff i wanna say but i cant cuz this IS ablog







ah! mrs chan is hospitalised! sue me for being info retarded cuz i didnt know till yesterday, but now that i do, i feel loser-ish:( like when shes around, i keep saying how like she does a leetle too much for us, but now, i totally appreciate all that she's done for us! i mean, dance is awesome thanks to her ok! hhahahahah h damn

anyways, holidays are next week! i'm really happy cuz at least i have more time to study what i want, like i dont have to follow a timetable:) i wish the singaproe education system could be like totto-chan the book! where like at the beginning of the day, the teacher writes down all the subjects you have to do , then you can choose what you wanna do first, then if u have any questions, u can go up and ask the teacher, and their classroom is a train carriage! like the long-distance train kind:) damn i love japan:D then during the school holidays, i can spend all my time studying, and like not have to account for travelling home from school time, and i cand ecide when i wanna eat my "recess". AND I'M GOING TO THE LIBRARY!!!!!!!!!!!! where i can borrow tons and tons of col books and drink bubble tea! too bad i cant go for the ___________. hahahah SORRY KAI LIN!

OK, HERES MY SCHEDULE

sept hols
day 1- revision for physics
day2-bio
day3-chem
day4-history
day5-geography
day6-math
day7(sunday)-anything i'm not strong in , plus break!!!!!!!!!! cuz its sunday:D

with EOYS os near, ir eally need to study. WHAT IF I GET RETAINED?!@$#%&* i dont wanna! and i really need to study hard and follow my daddy:"WRK HARD, PLAY HARD". damn. i hate the first part, i juat wanna play, but i know i cant:( boo me

damn i dont wanna go multimedia studio! I DONT WANNA BE A SINGER OR AN ACTOR! even tho'i desperately waned to be when i was younger













hahahaha my dashboard functions are screwed right now. i realised i passed my 200th post like 20 posts ago, so yeah its a very belated celebration:)

anyways, this weekend has been super productive, with me finishing my vio AND chem notes, buying presents for friends, and buying a sec 2 science assessment book to do!hahahaha i suddenly feel so studious. the fear of failing sec 2 and getting retained is like a recurring dream every night!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha yeah.

went to china town today:0 it was super. it was only today that i realised that y'know, china town is such a touristy place:)like it kinda reminded me of like korea, japan(not so much) and taiwan, where like the hottest tourist attractions were at like where the quaint lil' shophouses were. so yeah. its unbelievable for me to say this but i think like Singapore is like quite cool. maybe its cuz i'm like a national/local, so i dont appreciate it. but if u think bout it, singapore is like clean(or it used to be), safe and awesomely fun! we just dont have cute shops like h and m. or ballet shops like chacott. but hey thats what the internet's for right? ok i shld stop. i'm sounding like some s'pore ambassador. WELCOME TO SINGAPORE!lol:D

anways, went to eat @ some dim sum place with damn cute fishes.and then there was this cute angmoh girl , who had the most gorgeous blue eyes! CHELSEA, HER EYES COULD RIVAL ZAC'S OKAY. and she was JUST SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. ahaha words so canNOT describe it.

then we went to some cute place for snow ice, the one that i originally ate in taiwan:) it was damn nice bt i couldnt finish it. :0 so mom, dad and grandam helped me finish it lol.

i really dont wanna do HF tomoro! AND ZHOU YI IS GONNA MAKE ME DIE OF SLEEPINESS AND HuNGER. my toes just arent ready for hf yet. i dunno how like all those prima ballerinas and principal dancers manage to last a whole ballet en pointe! especially those technically demanding ones. DO THEY EVEN HAVE TOES TO FEEL PAIN?lol wtv.

mrs chan wants us to do violin for some CSTD like competition. okay, but violin is smth i havent quite nailed yet. so boo. nvm i shall try damn hard to b1.burn fat.2.improve my ballet and pointe work!

yaya going for mount faber(if thats how u spell it) japanese steambaot.buffet thing! they sell damn good beef there!:)

ok i need to go watch KOREAN TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

♥ 5:27 PM

lol i feel damn smart. the CS teacher keeps locking the computer , then me and kong keep restarting the computer to "outsmart" the teacher. :) i feel smart:0

today's such a slack day, i feel like i wanna go home and study. i cant believe i'm saying this but yeah:D hahaha i'm gonna be a good girl, and go home and study: 1. math 2. lang arts HW:)

must go chewy junior @ bugis l8er to go buy cream puffs!i tell you bugis has so much nice food, i can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner all there. the basement alone is like WOW. theres like 2 korean street food stalls, bubble tea, tori-Q, taiwanese food, pasta mania and an awesome MAGAZINE STAND/SHOP!. hahah eh sc dancers, next year lets go there if its possible:) glutton tong:)


its freaking cold and i forgot my jacket! i can see all my veins popping out. so bored/sleep

I HAVE A DREAM.(sound familiar?lol) I HAVE A DREAM TO STUDY HARD TODAY AND I WILL KEEP TO IT.FULLSTOP.NO XCEPTIONS.:) i feel GOOD NOWWWWW


hahah super junior full house is damn funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78aI5Mwj8QU&NR=1

go watch:)

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

We Still Got a Long way to go ♥ 5:12 AM

sigh, nows the time when EOYS seem so close yet so far, its freaky how it seemed like 2 months ago when sec 2 just started. and STREAMING IS SO NEAR!!!!!!!!! hahah i'm freaking out.


this feeling i'm getting is weird. its the post-pre-genee feeling and the pre-genee feeling.normally i am super scared before a performance, but that ngiht , the competition ngiht, i didnt feel fear or nervousness.it just felt normal. this ould only mena 2 things: 1. i wasnt serious enough. 2. I AM MATURED!!!!!!!!!!! my mind tells me I AM MATURED, but that would be deceiving. damn it. i dont know what i felt that night, and even if somehow i could descirbe it, i'm pretty sure i dont wanna tell anyone:) i cant wait for the actual comp., where the sc dancers are gonna watch the finals! i;m reall exctied bout seeing the world's best grouping together:)so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



oh there was a fir drill in school today.stupid really. once the first fire bell went off, we still had to stay in class so the ppl couold find out where the fire was, and then the teachers insisted that we use that particular staircase, and apparently, every other teacher insisted on the same thing; so there was HIGH RESISTANCE:)LOL then we took like 15 min to get to the track, then we were playing and talking. and to make it easier to recognise us, HTEY MADE US WEAR CLASS TEE. THE VERY HOT, HEAT-TRAPPING ONE.lol

i'm so happy:) i'm gonna buy chewy junior again tomoro@ bugis cuz my parents wanted to eat so yeah:) then mommys gonna help me buy bubble tea from the tampines library uncle whose pearls, are super chewy and sweet:) hahaha lol and i wanna borrow the book EMPIRE OF THE SUN. ms or rather MADAM kavita showed us the movie a while ago. and its really impactful and it rally shows like the desperate measures ppl take furing war. which reminds me, i also need to watch CINDERELLA MAN,the one with russell crowe.it completely summarises the situations during the great depression.

hahaha okay its like 9
30 i need to go sleep, super tired and i havent quite slept off the xhaustion fomr the comp.:)

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Pre-Genee And Im Going Mad ♥ 6:16 PM

its quite official. my fate is 100% sealed in. i have pre genee todayyy! hahaha i'm not that scared for the group items cuz well. ITS A GROUP ITEM DUH. but for my last item for the night, its my solo competition! and you know since i'm the only one on stage, theres no one else to distract the people!!!!! but the funny thing is , i thought when ppl are nervous, they normally cant sleep the night before. but i slept so well! so there must be smth wrong with me! hahahah must be the piggy factor of my character. anyways, i think blogging really helps me to like externalise the fear and the scariness of it all! i heard theres a competitor in my age group whos a guy and apparently hes damn good acording to abi. or was it someone else? i think its abi anyways. WTH?! IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO COMPETE WITH GIRLS! I MEAN EHS OBVIOUSLY GONNA WIN CUZ LIKE HES SMTH FRESH THAT THE JUDGES HAVENT SEEN YET! hahahahaha the fears not externalising yet ... must write somemore


and like i'm competing with sarah as in sarah kang and EVERYONE knows shes DAMN DAMN DAMN GOOD. so yeah and i hate the fact that mrs chan is gonna be there. its just ups the pressureeeeee! and the sc and sscc seniors will be there too! and that like pressure too!! and what if i cant nail my spins??????

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

the storms over ♥ 12:49 AM

shit. i feel like some newscaster, bringing a hot-off-the-press, juicy news gossip. well, i talked to my dad just now, and hes doesnt seem so angry anymore. so thats a relief. which got me thinking. like how many times in life did we miss out on smth or not do smth, or were hesitant to try that something, but eventually tried it out and realsied that it rocked or helped u in some way? and then when u look back and reflect, you realised what an integral part that event played in your life and how much you would have missed if you JUST DIDNT TRY. so i've made a new years resolution, even tho the year is ending in like dunno 4mths? I AM GONNA TRY EVERYTHING. because as morbid as it may sound, i dont know when i'm gonna die. eg. lets say i didnt try the new flavour of bubble tea @ each-a-cup today.(yeah i know its a rlly minor event, but its the only thing i can think of now since the weathr is so hot!). then lets say tomoro, i get in a car accident. as i lie , bloody n dying in the middle of the road, iw ill regret i never got to try that flavour of bubble tea in this lifetime. get the drift? maybe not, cuz its not drastic enough but IMAGINATION.

hahahahahaha , ome i just realsied that tomro is APEC dinner. OMG our fan dance is even near perfect and lee hsien loong is gonna be there>!!!!! THIS DANCE IS SCREWED. its like 6 fat peaches in fat costumes dancing with a watermelon fan. goodness. sighhhhh

and the pre genee thing is like next mon(not counting tomoro). shit lah. i feel so inferior.

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

evidently not ♥ 9:07 PM

its still not working. sorry becky, but i just didnt have the guts to go up and talk to him and "talk it out". i was just too scared. of what, i have absolutely NO IDEA. but i guess its the rebuttal that i'm scared of. and i have too many WHAT IFS? on my mind. like what if he ignores me? yeah, at the end of the day, its called pride. i have issues with swallowing my pride. so it can only mean two things: 1. i can expect my phone to be gone from me for another few days.2.it means that this household is expected to be silent for a few more days, or at least for today. sigh, its not like i wanted it to happen, theres been so many of this this year, altho' none have been as bad as this time. i'm really in a dilemma now. like i dont know what to do.

some ppl, pls help me and tagon my cbox

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

they just dont get it ♥ 1:47 AM

okay so just for the record, my spirits are really down now. i dont wanna embarass that person(if thats even possible), but i got into a really nasty quarrel yesterday night before ballet. and yes, i know that its my weakness; that i dont like to admit i'm wrong and i definitely dont like to hear anything other than good stuf about me. but i will admit i'm wrong like after the fight/quarrel/dispute. but about yesterdays issue, i still dont see where/what i did wrong. ok so mom said it was my body language, but hey its not my fault you misinterpreted. and yes, i was trying very hard to control my anger.and you know, i really did try to heed my mom's advice and "talk it out". but when i came home, he was sleeping and once he woke up, he changed and left the hous. you know, we havent had such a big fight since, i said the F word in p6?! so yeah, i've been told by many to "swallow my pride", but lets put it this way, its easier said than done. and i value my pride and its embarrassing and difficult to just swallow it, especially when i feel i didnt do anything wrong. and he doesnt listen, or even TRY to listen to my justifications. I AM 14. i'm not a kid anymore and this type of treatment is just.... i dunno inappropriate. and i mean , like i said I AM 14. scolding me and expecting me to just listen there,meekly is pretty much impossible. i mean i have my own views and stuff so like UNDERSTAND. and i mean this generation is VERY different from the one you were in, where respect was like GOD.AUTHORITY.and in this day and age, with human rights and freedom of speech and whatnot, TIMES HAVE CHANGED DRASTICALLY.i mean i will still respect you, but youve got to grasp the evident concept that i wont respect you and treat you like god. i'll give you the due respect you need. which brings me to my next point. you dont understand mutual respect either. maybe its the generation gap , but hey if other ppl can do it, why not u? its very simple really: you respect me, i respect you. its very simple. but right now, youre not really respecting me. like treating me like i'm a kid. and dont tell me"YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A KID TO ME." because as much as you hate it, I AM NOT A CHILD.

sigh, okay i think ive vented out my anger/remorse/objections. i really want to go say sorry, but i JUST CANT SWALLOW MY PRIDE.

&when will you take me away on a balloon?

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dee's an EX-KCP girl, current scgs girl and forever will be a SSCC ballerina underlineitalicsboldstrike


she loves: pink, pointe shoes, glosses, school and her friends and family


she wants: pointe shoes, smth pink, GLOSSSSSS



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